(Happy) Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day. A day I should be celebrating the miraculous gift of being a mother to 6 healthy, thriving sons. But instead, today, I was feeling a bit down - as I have been for the last few days. As I am elevating in my career and my purpose, I am becoming undeniably aware of the emotional baggage that is weighing me down. Several things have been coming to the surface so they can be released. In a previous post titled 'The check-in,' I discussed how I did not have a reciprocal balance of emotional wellness amongst my friend groups. Today, I was reminded of that fact again. As a Cancer zodiac sign, I'm quite the emotional rollercoaster when the Full Moons come along. I knew that with a Full Moon peaking tomorrow that I would understandably be going through it emotionally. Today, I was very much in my human-ness and feeling heavy about my current circumstances. I'm not one to "vent" about my problems because to me it is akin to complaining, and I will never complain about any of my blessings. But...my emotional self did get a little overcome with feelings during two separate conversations today when discussing how things are going for me/how I'm doing, and both conversations had the same outcome. As I was speaking to one person about how I'm really working to do my best to stay diligent in my goals and move forward on my path, I began to get choked up and cry. The person on the phone's response was simply "I'm sorry." Shortly after, the person ended the conversation by stating they'd call me back later...a call that never came. A second conversation with someone else was similar. As we spoke about my current business endeavors and the pain points I am having with navigating the new requirements of the job, although I didn't cry this time, the sentiment of something being difficult for me was obviously too much for the person to discuss, so the conversation ended with an "I'll call you right back" but, of course, the callback did not occur.

So what's the point in this story? A few things. First, don't expect anything from anyone - not physically or emotionally. Crazy, I wrote about this in my book, Legacy Lessons (available now on Amazon!), but for some reason, I forgot the truth I already know. I'm not expecting anyone to listen to me emotionally dump or fill in for my therapist, but for people who I consider in my inner circle, I mistakenly held them to a higher standard than those who are strangers. Because of who I am and how I live my life, I can't really expect anyone to have anything to say if I am going through something emotionally. What advice can anyone give me that I can't give to myself? Which leads me to my next point. I got so caught up in these human emotions that I honestly forgot I'm far from human. Everything about me, my life, and how miracles continue to occur in my circumstances is extraordinarily supernatural. Honestly, I don't know anyone else like me. I don't know anyone who can walk in faith and receive EVERYTHING they say they are going to have. I don't know anyone who can encourage like me. I don't know anyone who has a relationship with God like mine. I don't know another human out here that could compare to me. Not saying that to be arrogant. Just making the point that I understand why the conversations I had earlier were less than fulfilling. Because I can't expect anyone to do anything like I'd do it, because no one else is like me. I value the interactions that seem less than ideal because they always bring me back to who I truly am. The last point in the story is that although it is good to express yourself - keeping your emotions bottled up or pretending that you are well when you are not is highly destructive - but as you are letting it out, be mindful to utilize your discernment regarding who and what should be divulged. Some things are best kept for God and your therapist to help you work through and overcome. Although I did not share anything I would consider to be outside of the parameters of what I'm comfortable with sharing publicly, it was still a bit of a blow to simply get a "dang, that's crazy" type response from those who I consider closest to me. It's okay though. Definitely no adverse feelings though. I still love both of the individuals immensely. I know the role I signed up to play in my relationships and will continue to do so for as long as I am guided to.

I think I'll go back and re-read my book because a few of those gems definitely need to be dropped in my spirit again. If you are also navigating moving to a new level in your life and desire to realign with your identity, purpose, and goals, I'd advise you to read it too! Here's the link!

Love,

Niki Sunshine

Live freely. Love fully. Grow daily.